Pushers and Cloggers

Now I will admit I was quite sucky at Science at school. I loved math - not so much with science. But as I am middle aged now and have a good track record on this subject, I would love to discuss eating, anatomy (sorta) and pooping. Many of my skinny friends (or those trying to be) decide that shubbery is a good meal for reducing girth, and I suppose it is but it comes at a cost - it is entirely a pusher. Eat salad all day and you have nothing in there to stop you from partaking in number 2 all day long. There are no cloggers in salad, nothing to clog you up. Sure you can put some cheese in salad but it stands no chance against all those pushers. Accordingly, all good, well balanced meals should be a mixture of pushers and cloggers.

So what pretell are pushers v cloggers? Some are easy. Meat - pusher (ever eat at Taco Hell or White Castle - you pretty much need to eat those in the bathroom). Bread - clogger. The aforementioned salad - pusher. Cheese - clogger. There are some foods that are tough to tell but give them a try and see how they work for ya. If you need to take a plunger to your butt you know it was a adequate clogger.

So what is the perfect food?? Experts might say that McDonalds is bad for you but let's take a gander at the Sausage McMuffin with egg. It is the perfect mixture of pushers and cloggers. Eggs and sausage - pushers. Eat them alone and it will be a double flush for sure but alas McDonalds knew that and hence chucked in some cloggers. Cheese and english muffins. Well done McDonalds. They failed on the Big Mac but not from a lack of effort. I am sure when they were making this fine sandwich that after they got the 2 all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, they were like crap (some pun intended) we need to get some cloggers in there so they added two slices of cheese and three buns - three. They were clearly trying but they surely realized their dilemma - it's still pushin. It's still pushin and we really can't add any more buns or people won't be able to shove this lovely into their pieholes. So they went with it. Clearly a good sandwich but bereft of the proper mixture of pushers and cloggers.

So to all my rabbit friends who gnaw on shrubbery all day, have fun with your stool explosions while I sit in comfort in my lazy seat chowing on my well balanced steak (pusher) and mashed potatoes (clogger). Awww it is nice to be so well balanced - give it a try (oh by the way, you might notice a slight to vast augmentation in your girth which is a side effect to a well balanced meal of pushers and cloggers but you can always get a few extra pawl bearers in the future so enjoy).